Moments

   Some moments in life are special, and we know they are going to be special before they happen. Many of these moments we can record in photographs or video recordings. It seems now, in this day and age, every moment can and possibly is being recorded. But some times we experience moments we don't know how special they are until they are passed. Or sometimes we experience a moment, but it just lives within us, until we suddenly waken to how special that moment is. Well, I do that when I paint many times. After a moment has passed, I try to capture it in paint on paper or canvas. I am going to post three paintings and explain the moment they represent to me. The first painting is entitled "city lights". You might wonder where that title comes from. This painting was painted, and I really related to it, but I didn't know for sure why, what was I painting and why did I relate to it so much. Eventually I realized what is was, it was from the memory of the first moment I came out of the hospital in St. Paul, MN after my son had survived his brain surgery. It wasn't the first night after the surgery, I don't even know if it was the second or third or fourth night. But it was around four or five at night, getting dark but not real dark. I was so tired I was seeing double and the lights and the buildings all just blended together. But when I painted this painting I didn't know what it was even after I finished. I knew it was a memory or thought inside of me, but wasn't sure which until it presented itself to me. When I realized what it was, I felt tears running down my cheeks. It felt so healing and joyful. I was amazed, I had painted this, but only later realized the moment I was painting. The next painting, is a painting I purposely and knowing painted from memory.

                                                                    City Lights


           This painting is entitled "Cranes on the Platte" or "Explosion", can't decide for sure. I have  painted some crane paintings, and even sold one or two. But none of the paintings expressed what my memory was of this day. The memory I was trying to express was a memory from when I was college age, and I had my first and basically only experience of watching the cranes leave the river.  The memory was like an explosion of the senses, the noise, the movement, even the smell of the water as hundreds if not thousands of cranes seemed to explode into the air. But I kept getting stuck painting the actual cranes, until I freed my mind up enough to just let movement and color  represent the cranes and their rise off the river. I knew I had succeeded for me, when I stepped back from this painting. This truly represented what I experienced that day.

                                                               Cranes on the Platte

      This final painting is entitled the "Outsiders".  Being a teacher I have always tried to be aware of my students, and their feelings and their lives. But sometimes, as a regular teacher, it becomes hard to keep a feel for the students. Expectations and behavior and all those variables affect the relationship and awareness. When I quit teaching full-time, and became a substitute teacher, I noticed that I became aware of another group of students, I hadn't really noticed before, and they were the outsiders. I sometimes wondered if these kids just immediately realized, even before I did, that as a substitute, whether I believed it or not, I was also an outsider. I developed relationships with these students, some of them, actually would seem happy to see me, when I would be subbing for their teacher. They seemed to open up to me, and talked freely about themselves. The thing that I thought interesting, and what I tried to capture in the painting, was the fact, that they would not open up to each other.  They sometimes would ask to come to the room during my free period. I would get an ok before I said yes, but my one rule was I would not be alone with a student, there had to always be more than one student. But when the kids would come, they would almost ignore each other, wouldn't look at each other, or really acknowledge each other, unless I tried to drag them into the conversation, and instead of having individual conversations with all of them, have a conservation they could all be a part of. It eventually became obvious to me, they preferred the individual conversations. It was almost as if I was invited into their individual worlds, but their peers were not . . .Those kids, the outsiders, were who I was trying to represent . . .painting from memory how their relationships seemed to me.

the outsiders

Polk's Philosophy of Painting

 One of the things that I love about painting is the fact that you as an artist are capturing a moment in time. I said that, because for me, it isn't about recreating a landscape or an image, or copying a technique . .it (the act of painting) is about creation,  . . .creating an image or piece of art that expresses what you feel, or maybe what you see, or hear . . .but an image that expresses your experience with the world in that moment.  I can not know if when I finish a painting if it is something people can relate to, or like to look at and enjoy, until they tell me so.  Exhibiting paintings, at one point in my life would almost cause me to throw up.  My paintings were and are snap shots of my soul in a moment of time.  But ironically the paintings I do many times are difficult for me to understand, until I take time with them and let them tell me what they are trying to say. Even landscapes and paintings of houses or barns . . .it will amaze me. I will have painted a place, and felt like I captured it essence, yet maybe a year later, I will get an itch to paint the same landscape again, . . what always amazed me, is none of the paintings turned out the same. Some people might think they look the same, but if you really look there are always enormous differences between the paintings . .Some times it is just the feeling I get looking at the paintings, one makes me feel calm, another. .(the same landscape etc . .) makes me sad, or makes me feel like I want to pull my hair out. It seems like all my paintings are just recordings of my soul and my days, and my life. I don't know the reason, but a feeling that has followed me through my life, is the feeling of being invisible. Almost as if I am not real, or of any substance. But I know I am real.  . . .what the philosopher said . ."I think, therefore I am" . . .well with me, I would say "I hurt, therefore I am".  But pain is not a bad thing, it keeps things real. At least it does for me. Pain and I are good pals, it keeps me anchored. But I think pain is one of the experiences I most usually capture in my paintings . . .If my paintings ever make you feel anything, I think it is a good thing. When I view others' paintings, it amazes me the love, or pain, I sometimes see in them. I wonder how the artist could have loved that much, or suffered so horribly to create that image. Well I thought I would end this, sharing three paintings and their secrets. This first painting I entitled the "Birds and the Bees".   It is a happy painting for me.  I was outside in the backyard, just messing around starting to paint when I thought I saw a humming bird, I couldn't decide if I had or not, but looking hard over by the flowers I saw this world of insects, bees and flies, all so alive and full of movement, I just thought it was beautiful. This painting was done after I had been diagnosed with cancer, but before I started chemo. It was one of those moments when you are sorta forced to stop and take a look at life, and it suddenly is mind boggling how beautiful it is.  . .well on to the next one.

 this  next painting is entitled "the Iris bed". If you were wondering, those of you who thought it might have been painted the same day, you would have been correct. There was this really beautiful iris in the garden, and I wanted to paint it, but I kept being distracted by the insects. It was like those  bunch of iris were under attack, but I just thought it was amazingly promising, beautiful and happy. It ended up being a really good day. These are two of my favorite paintings, but people don't seem to relate to them much, so I usually just take them out for me.  O.K. on to the next painting .. . . . .

 this painting is  entitled "Flowers in my Mind".  This painting makes me a bit uncomfortable looking at it. This painting to me, is full of pain and anger . .I was in the middle of chemo therapy and radiation therapy for cancer, and I was not a calm or happy person when painting this. This painting was one of the first ones I tried after I had started chemo. I think I did my chemo, April-August, (2008) and this was painted right before I started radiation therapy. One of the things really bothering me, was the chemo had caused me to lost feeling in my hands and finger tips, and it was almost as if I was being forced to work with some stranger's hands, they didn't seem to know what I was asking or wanted from them. I see many half strokes, and angry strokes in this painting.  . . . .Ironically  I submitted this painting to a gallery in New York, and it was accepted for their exhibition . (along with two other paintings). The gallery wanted me there for the exhibition, at least the opening weekend . . .I wasn't going to New York. They seemed rather pissed off, when I told them I wasn't coming, or sending the paintings. The main reason I had sent it, was an editor of one of the literary journals that published my poetry, asked me to send it. I do have to admit it getting accepted, along with two other paintings, got me to get out the paints again. I thought maybe somewhere, there was someone who got my artwork, or was moved by it. But mainly, being a cancer survivor, painting seems a good way to get through some of the more difficult days, and record them, both the good and the bad. . . Well thank you all who read though this little rant of mine. Until the next time I think I have something I need to share . . .happy trails . . . .

thoughts

the blind leading the blind

   

      I, the same as many people in America, no longer believe the news, or even believe we have news anymore. News, is about manipulation than about truth or events.
      Sometime, if you are bored, do a little research on your favorite news reporter, usually you will be amazed at what you find. Many, if not most, have no education in journalism. They usually are in their positions, due to politics, or family connections etc. . . The only cable channel I get for news, (other than Russia and China channels, which is where I learn much of what is actually happening in the world) is MSNBC. Pathetic, so bad . .I especially get a chuckle out of a morning program . . .Velshi and Ruhle. They talk politics and money, and brag about their knowledge of banking and money . .they should, Stephanie Ruhle during the Recession was a president or assistant president in a Boston bank. She is the WORLD LEADER in the sale of credit derivatives from 1999-2010 . .the same kind of derivatives that caused the recession in the early 2000's.
     Velshi, is a Canadian Muslim, his father was the first Indian voted into the legislative assembly of Ontario. Velshi, who moved to America in 2001, lectures guests and the audience about American history, and what it means to be American. His wife, owns and runs a hedge fund company in Philadelphia.
       The thing I find so amusing about their program, is Ruhle and Velshi, both talk about how awful Wall Street is, and they were both creatures of Wall Street, until their money made and they could leave. They also talk about main street America, like they have spent some time there. . .they haven't.
       So anyway, do a little research, Morning Joe, Joe Scarborough has also led quite the life.

Pelosi

       I  believe Nancy Pelosi has been one of the worst Speakers in the history of the House of Representatives. In her first term, when she took over leadership of the House in 2007, her leadership of the party resulted in one of the biggest flips of the House, when in 2011 the House flipped to Republican. They was caused by a loss of 63 democratic seats in the house. Her leadership has caused the party to evolve into the mess you see today in the democratic party. She allowed the fringe elements within the democratic party to basically destroy the once proud democratic party. She sacrificed the party for policies which will not last, and are not based in reality . . .such as ObamaCare, and Dodd-Frank Bank reforms. Much of which  was won, in Obamacare and Dodd-Frank Reform has already been overturned, and will not withstand the test of time.
        Re-elected to the Speakership in 2018, she has continued her assault on the traditions and values of the House, and has weakened the House in regard to its position within the three branches of government. She has not upheld the duties of the office, and has allowed the House to become a lawlessness nest of radical legislators. The recent impeachment of President Trump being the latest example of her ignorance. Pelosi claims the stain of impeachment will live with Trump down through history, but it is more likely this stain will be on Pelosi, and the 116th congress than on Trump. This democratic House of Representatives will be a laughingstock down through the ages, and will be used as an example of how not to legislate. Nancy Pelosi has done more harm than anyone else in modern history to the Democratic party, but the democratic party only has itself to blame for this pathetic legacy. Her actions and reactions to the 2020 State of the Union will have caused lasting damage to the House and the Speakership in the years to come.





























p

The End of Impeachment Trial

     Praise the Lord, the end is finally here. Now on to real life and things that really matter. This whole episode was not serious, for our government, nor for our nation. It saddens me, to see someone like Mitt Romney, he has run for President, and is supposed to be an intelligent man, not understand what this was all about. Schumer after the trial, talked about truth and finding truth  . . . .Schumer couldn't find truth, if it bit him on his penis.
     This was nothing but politics. The democrats had to orchestrate this whole thing perfectly just to get it to the Senate. They had to change or break rules and traditions in the House of Representatives, they had to hide how it all started in the first place. All to get it to the Senate, when they knew the President would never be convicted.  Why ? Why, put the nation through all this, when you already know the result. It wasn't about protecting the Constitution or the government . . .for the democrats to make that type of claim about this trivial matter, only shows they are ignorant of history, and arrogant, arrogant pricks . . . trying to put the senate and the country in a difficult situation and willing to put themselves above the national interest.
         NO !! This is about fear, the democratic party is scared . . .The election in 2016, was a real election, the first we have had in a long, long time in the United States, when the outcome was a shock, and wasn't known or controlled by the ruling elite. And it looks as if things haven't gotten better for the ruling elites, a.k.a. the demos, and the rhinos . . .Back in 2010, in the mid term election, when things seemed to be getting a bit out of control, the demos and rhinos reigned things in, by weaponizing the government against the people,  . . . .the tea party, and the people on the right . . . .That won Obama another term, but it was uncovered and that tactic couldn't be used again . . .So we have all the foreign interference bullshit  . . . . . . .This impeachment was a sad attempt to use the same bullshit from 2016. Only turn it around a bit . . .blame Trump instead of the Russians for the interference . . .You know what has always amazed me, . . . we had people getting shot at, at Benghazi, calling for help, and yet our intelligence services couldn't even figure out if it was an attack or a rally . . .and claimed,  it was all because of a video . . .yet they (the intelligence community) know beyond a shadow of a doubt the Russians interfered in the 2016 election, and even knew the Russians individual names . .really, .they were wrong about MWD's in Iraq, wrong about the Arab Spring, and Egypt, and Syria . . .but not wrong about Russia, 110 % sure, it was all the Russians, even though other countries have been attacking our elections since the beginning of the Republic . . .even though Obama, told Romney, the 80's were calling wanting their foreign policy back, when Romney saw Russia as a threat. . . . . Obama knew Russia wasn't a threat, it was only to be used as one, the same way it was used by the ruling elites during the cold war , . . . .blame them, and scare the shit out of America . . .the problem is, the only people scared now, are the democrats and rhinos, and it aint the Russians scaring them . . . .so look for this same shit to keep happening, be strong and carry on . . .

Hypocrisy

    Hypocrisy is one of the things I detest most in politicians. This impeachment trial has broadcast our government's hypocrisy throughout the world. The hypocrisy in this process is multi layered, and exhibits what is worst in government.
       The overriding hypocrisy of this process is that in each part of the process, the process of impeachment was abused by each of the parties involved. The house abused the process to pass the impeach articles, and the senate, abused the normal process of the trial to shut out future witnesses in this process. Both parties try to justify their actions, and I will admit I agree with many of the justifications. The truth of the matter was the democrats were going to impeach Trump regardless of facts. If the democrats were not set on impeach, why rig the process. Let republicans in the house call witnesses, and cross examine witnesses without Schiff controlling the cross examination.  For the intelligence committee  to act as special prosecutor was just ignorant. The hypocrisy of Schiff to run the investigation when he knew he had contact with and ties to the "whistleblower" was just stupid and arrogant. Out of all the actors in this drama, Schiff is the scariest, because he has no conscience and will lie and twist facts and words from one sentence to the next. He seems almost arrogant enough to believe that no one sees his hypocrisy and lies.
       The hypocrisy of the senate lies in their handling of the trial. If they truly believed Trump innocent and the trial in the house rigged, they should have dismissed it as soon as they got it. Just stated, this is a mistrial, because the investigation and vote which brought about the trial was rigged.
       I appreciated the President's team of lawyers, because they actually stood behind their actions, in regard to justifying their acts. Whether their reasoning was a pile of shit or not, they stood by their arguments. That was probably the most honest thing in the trial.
          Schiff, and the house managers on the other hand, would justify their actions by saying, we did this, because we knew the President was corrupt, and the AG and DOJ was corrupt . . .they didn't prove the President, AG, DOJ, and anyone on the phone call, were corrupt, they said the corruption was proven by the actions of the President, AG etc . . ., if anyone disagreed with their view of the case.
         Besides the hypocrisy of this case, the other thing that bothered me about this was, just how dumb many of the house managers seemed, and how dumb many of the senators seemed. I felt like 4th and 5th graders could have asked better questions about this case.
         In an ironic twist, I think the lack of hypocrisy, is one of the things that people who support him, like in President Trump. You usually don't have to read between the lines to hear what he is really thinking. And contrary to the media, I think the nation enjoys knowing what the President truly thinks, even if it is a bit crude to some people's ears/.
        But maybe I am just a hypocrite.